Sweet Darkness / Pimeduse Hellus

Pimeduse hellus

Kristjan Raud, Tähtede all (1907-1909)

Põhjapoolkerale on saabunud aasta pimedaim aeg. Meie esivanematele oli see kutseks tõmbuda sissepoole, vaikusesse. Looduski puhkab praegu. Läänemaailma parodoksaalses tänapäevas aga on see aeg paljudele kujunenud hoopis kiirustamiseks ja tormamiseks poodides ning pidudeks ette valmistumisteks.

Ka minule oli pimeduse teemal kirjutamine katsumuseks: iga kord, kui laua taha istusin, tõmbas midagi väljastpoolt mu tähelepanu endale. Kuigi pimedusel ja vaikusel on sarnasus emaüsaga, mille pehmus ning hellus toetavad uue elu arenemisprotsessi, on see ka hirmutav – ikka jääb kummitama igavene küsimus: kas ma leian pimedusest ka tee tagasi? Muinaslugudes kangelastele ja kangelannadele antud raskeimaiks katsumuseks oli tihtipeale allmaailma külastamine, kust teekond tagasi oli täis varitsevaid ohtusid. Samas, just see retk pimedusse aitas neil jõuda millegi tõeliselt väärtuslikuni.

Mis või kes on minu “deemonid”, kellega kohtumist pimedas pelgan?

Mis on see aare, mida loodan leida?

Millised kohustused võib see endaga kaasa tuua?

Kuidas see mu praegust elu muudab?

Inglise-Ameerika poeet T.S. Eliot ütleb: “Ma ütlesin oma hingele, ole tasa ja lase pimedusel tulla enda üle, see on pimedus Loojast…”

Sweet Darkness

It is the darkest time of the year in Northern hemisphere: nature is resting and inviting us too to slow down. For our ancestors, this was the time to contemplate and turn inward.

In our contemporary Western world, this time is often about rushing from one place to another, shopping and preparing for parties.

Even writing about the darkness became a struggle for me – every time when I sat down to write, something else seemed more important or I got lost in the temptations of the internet.

Although the dark in nature is like the mother’s womb that creates a protective container for new life to emerge – it is also frightening: would I find my way back from darkness? The most difficult task given to heroes and heroines of fairy tales and myths was the visit to the dark underworld. Both the path to it and the way back were filled with challenges and monsters. Yet, the completion of this journey helped them to find their precious goal.

Who or what are my demons and monsters that I am afraid to meet in the dark?

What is the treasure I am set to find or bring with me?

Which responsibilities this treasure places on my?

How would this change my current life?

British American poet T.S Eliot says:

I said to my soul, be still, and let the dark come upon you

Which shall be the darkness of God. ….

…I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope,

For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without

love

For love would be love of the wrong thing;

there is yet faith.

But the faith and love and the hope are all in the waiting.

Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:

So the darkness shall be the light and the stillness the

dancing.