Ode For A New Beginning / Ood uuele algusele

Jüri Arrak, Ükssarv 1993

Ood uuele algusele

Kuigi kalendriaasta on vahetunud, on minu jaoks uue aasta algus veninud nagu aastaaegade vaheldumine Eestis viimasel ajal. Nii loodus kui ka sisemaailm ei allu pelgalt meie tahtele: nagu seemned vajavad idanemiseks aega ja soodsaid tingimusi, nii on ka uutel mõtetel ning tegudel tarvis küpseda enne materialiseerumist.

Varalahkunud Iiri poeet ja filosoof John O’Donohue tuletab meile meelde, et vaatamata turvatunde ahvatlustele ning igapäevarutiini hallidele lubadustele, on kuskil meie sügaval südamesopis peidus see uus algus, kannatlikult ootamas õiget momenti, mil meil on piisavalt julgust ja seiklusvalmidust astuda uuele teerajale.

Mis on minu elust “välja kasvanud”, millest ma ainult harjumuse tõttu kinni hoian?

Mis on need “turvatunde ahelad”, mis ei lase mind liikudale uutele radadele?

Mida ma ootan sellelt uuelt aastalt oma sügaval südames (kuid, võibolla, ei julge isegi endale tunnistada)?

Millised unistused olen ma “peitu pannud”?

Mis või kes aitaks mul neid unistusi jälle ellu äratada? 
Või on hoopis aeg uued unistused nende asemele tuua?

….sest su hing teab, et maailm ootab sind!

Ode For A New Beginning

Numbers in the calendar mark the beginning of a new year, yet I am holding onto the old routine and habits. While my hand refuses to write those new dates I am wondering what are my “seductions of safety and the gray promises of sameness”?

I know that my dreams and heart’s desires need time to gestate like seeds in the earth and still, something in the depths of my heart is waiting a bit impatiently already for me to have courage to step onto new path.

More questions surface:

Which are my routine habits that support only my survival fears?

What is not working anymore in my life?

What am I expecting from this new year, maybe hesitant even to admit it to myself?

Which of my dreams have I hidden and set aside?

Who and/or what could help to make them come into life again?

Or is it time to let them go and create new ones?

A blessing from Irish poet and philosopher John O'Donohue:

FOR A NEW BEGINNING

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,

Where your thoughts never think to wander,

This beginning has been quietly forming,

Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,

Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,

Noticing how you willed yourself on,

Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety

And the gray promises that sameness whispered,

Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,

Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,

And out you stepped onto new ground,

Your eyes young again with energy and dream,

A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear

You can trust the promise of this opening;

Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning

That is at one with your life’s desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;

Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk

Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,

For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

                                                

Sweet Darkness / Pimeduse Hellus

Pimeduse hellus

Kristjan Raud, Tähtede all (1907-1909)

Põhjapoolkerale on saabunud aasta pimedaim aeg. Meie esivanematele oli see kutseks tõmbuda sissepoole, vaikusesse. Looduski puhkab praegu. Läänemaailma parodoksaalses tänapäevas aga on see aeg paljudele kujunenud hoopis kiirustamiseks ja tormamiseks poodides ning pidudeks ette valmistumisteks.

Ka minule oli pimeduse teemal kirjutamine katsumuseks: iga kord, kui laua taha istusin, tõmbas midagi väljastpoolt mu tähelepanu endale. Kuigi pimedusel ja vaikusel on sarnasus emaüsaga, mille pehmus ning hellus toetavad uue elu arenemisprotsessi, on see ka hirmutav – ikka jääb kummitama igavene küsimus: kas ma leian pimedusest ka tee tagasi? Muinaslugudes kangelastele ja kangelannadele antud raskeimaiks katsumuseks oli tihtipeale allmaailma külastamine, kust teekond tagasi oli täis varitsevaid ohtusid. Samas, just see retk pimedusse aitas neil jõuda millegi tõeliselt väärtuslikuni.

Mis või kes on minu “deemonid”, kellega kohtumist pimedas pelgan?

Mis on see aare, mida loodan leida?

Millised kohustused võib see endaga kaasa tuua?

Kuidas see mu praegust elu muudab?

Inglise-Ameerika poeet T.S. Eliot ütleb: “Ma ütlesin oma hingele, ole tasa ja lase pimedusel tulla enda üle, see on pimedus Loojast…”

Sweet Darkness

It is the darkest time of the year in Northern hemisphere: nature is resting and inviting us too to slow down. For our ancestors, this was the time to contemplate and turn inward.

In our contemporary Western world, this time is often about rushing from one place to another, shopping and preparing for parties.

Even writing about the darkness became a struggle for me – every time when I sat down to write, something else seemed more important or I got lost in the temptations of the internet.

Although the dark in nature is like the mother’s womb that creates a protective container for new life to emerge – it is also frightening: would I find my way back from darkness? The most difficult task given to heroes and heroines of fairy tales and myths was the visit to the dark underworld. Both the path to it and the way back were filled with challenges and monsters. Yet, the completion of this journey helped them to find their precious goal.

Who or what are my demons and monsters that I am afraid to meet in the dark?

What is the treasure I am set to find or bring with me?

Which responsibilities this treasure places on my?

How would this change my current life?

British American poet T.S Eliot says:

I said to my soul, be still, and let the dark come upon you

Which shall be the darkness of God. ….

…I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope,

For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without

love

For love would be love of the wrong thing;

there is yet faith.

But the faith and love and the hope are all in the waiting.

Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:

So the darkness shall be the light and the stillness the

dancing. 

The Time of Souls / Hingedeaeg

Kaljo Põllu, Lindude Puu (Kodalased) 1974

Hingedeaeg

November on maarahva kalendri järgi hingedekuu. See on aeg, kui loor maailmade vahel muutub läbi laskvamaks ja hingedel on lihtsam meid külastada. Millist tähendust see sõna “hing” kellegi jaoks kannab, on juba igaühe südamesi. Aga tähendagu see siis kas mälestusi lahkunutest või mõtteid esivanematest; seda vaikset arusaama, et meil oleks nagu nähtamatu teejuht kõrva sositamas, kui ainult teda tähele panna oskame või hoopis oma sisemaailma elutarka osa, ikka peame nende tähele panemiseks oma elutempot aeglustama ja aega võtma vaikuses istumiseks. Ja hingamiseks! Hing ja hingamine on meie keeles koos. Ega polegi tähtis, kas elutark juhatus meieni jõuab kuskilt väljastpoolt või hoopis oma sisemaailma sügavustest, olulisem on hoopis, kas tunneme selle ära ja oleme valmis neid nõuandeid järgima.

Kas oleme valmis loobuma paarist tunnist televiisori või arvutiga, et end “nähtamatule maailmale” avada?

Mida me mõistame selle “nähtamatu maailma” all või kas üldse usume sellesse?

Millest tahaksin rääkida oma eelnevate põlvkondade esindajatega? Kellega neist tahaksin pikemalt vestelda?

Sufi poeet Hafiz ütleb:

Lihtsalt istu seal praegu.

Ära tee midagi. Ainult puhka.

Pea meeles, et su lahusolek jumalikust

On maailma kõige raskem töö.

… Lihtsalt istu seal….ainult puhka…

The Time of Souls

The Old Folks in Estonia called November “The Month of the Souls”. This is the time when the veil between worlds is thinner, making it easier for spirits to pay us a visit. What do the words “soul” and “spirit” mean to us has a different nuance to each of us: for some, this could mean a memory of the departed or thoughts of ancestors, for others - it could be this sudden awareness or message that seems to come from an invisible guide. Or, as well, it could mean wise words surfacing from the depths of our own psyche.  After all – for the Greeks, “psyche” meant soul, breath.

Regardless from where this guidance is coming, we need to create space for it. We need to slow down and take time for deep listening and being in silence, allowing “Spirit to breathe us”.

Am I willing to give up TV and/or computer for a couple of hours and take time for silence?

What is surfacing when I allow myself to be in silence?

Am I willing to follow the guidance I might have received? Do I trust this process?

What would I like to talk about with my ancestors?

Who might be my “Spirit guide”? And, what guidance would I like to receive from them?

Sufi poet Hafiz says:

Just sit there this moment.

Don’t’ do a thing. Just rest.

Remember, your separation from Divine

Is the hardest work in this world.

…Just sit there this moment…